1 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:20,020 23.976 2 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:57,015 Last orders, please. 3 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,858 - Shaun. - Yeah? 4 00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:09,278 - Do you see what I'm saying? - Yeah, totally. 5 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:13,282 I know he's your best friend but you do live with him. 6 00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:14,908 I know... 7 00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:18,704 It's not that I don't like Ed. Ed, it's not that I don't like you. 8 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:21,164 It's all right. 9 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:24,543 - It'd just be nice if we could... - Fuck. 10 00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:27,880 ...spend a bit more time together. - Bollocks. 11 00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:30,048 - Just the two of us. - Cock it. 12 00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:33,677 With Ed here, it's no wonder I always bring my flatmates out 13 00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:35,888 and that only exacerbates things. 14 00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:40,142 - What do you mean? - You guys hardly get on, do you? 15 00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:42,269 No, what does "exacerbate" mean? 16 00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:44,313 It means to make things worse. 17 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,481 Right, right. 18 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:50,402 Well, I mean, it's not that I don't like David and Di, you know. 19 00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:54,156 - Guys, it's not that I don't like you. - It's all right. 20 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,408 And I do want to spend time with you. 21 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:59,578 It's just Ed doesn't have too many friends. 22 00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:03,207 Can I get any of you cunts a drink? 23 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,169 Anybody? 24 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,755 No, thank you. 25 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,090 I know... 26 00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:14,343 friends are important to Shaun 27 00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:17,679 but you must set some quality time aside for yourselves. 28 00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:21,016 Daffs is always taking me to see these listed buildings 29 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,644 and I'm always dragging him to the theatre. 30 00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:26,688 - I'm not so hot on theatre. - How about a meal? 31 00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:29,775 - It's your anniversary soon. - It was last week. 32 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,819 - Did you do anything special? - We came here. 33 00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:35,113 Shaun. Hog lumps. 34 00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:38,659 Shaun, what I'm trying to say is I need something more, 35 00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:42,412 more than spending every night in the Winchester. 36 00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:45,916 I want to do more interesting stuff. 37 00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:49,253 I want you to want to want to do it. 38 00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:52,548 Listen to me. I'm beginning to sound like your mum. 39 00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:55,467 - Not that I'd know. - You haven't met his mum? 40 00:02:55,551 --> 00:02:58,470 - Not yet. - Don't you get along with your mum? 41 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:02,140 - It's not her... - Are you ashamed by your mum, Shaun? 42 00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:04,518 - No, I love my mum. - I love his mum. 43 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,895 Ed! 44 00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:09,189 - Shaun! - Liz. 45 00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:12,442 I understand what you're trying to say and I agree. 46 00:03:12,568 --> 00:03:15,112 We should get out there. We'll start tomorrow. 47 00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:18,574 I'll book a restaurant. The place that does all the fish. 48 00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,576 Just the two of us. 49 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:23,579 Things will change. I promise. 50 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,581 Really, Shaun? 51 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,751 Time, gentlemen. 52 00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:33,505 Shaun? 53 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,824 'Player two has entered the game. ' 54 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:45,202 Haven't you got work? 55 00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:48,080 'Player two has left the game. ' 56 00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:03,303 The front door was open again last night. 57 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,600 - I'm not saying it was you. - I know, man. 58 00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:12,437 - I'm saying it was Ed. - Right. 59 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,523 I can't live like this. 60 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:18,485 Look at the state of it. We're not students any more. 61 00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:21,613 - Pete... - He brings no money into the house. 62 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:24,616 - He brings a bit. - What? Dealing drugs? 63 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,870 He sells a bit of weed now and again. You've sold puff. 64 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,789 Yeah, once. At college. To you. 65 00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:35,794 I've known him since primary school. I like having him around, he's a laugh. 66 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:38,589 Because he can impersonate an orang-utan? 67 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:41,508 - Fuck-a-doodle-doo. - Leave him alone. 68 00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:44,344 I admit, he can be pretty funny on occasion. 69 00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:49,183 Like that time we stayed up all night drinking apple schnapps and playing Tekken 2. 70 00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:53,145 - When was that? - Five years ago. 71 00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:55,439 When's he going home? 72 00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,151 Hey, man, listen... Top left. 73 00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:01,778 - Uh-huh. - I was gonna say... Reload. 74 00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:05,115 - I'm on it. - Erm, since... Nice shot! 75 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,201 Thanks. 76 00:06:07,326 --> 00:06:10,204 Two seconds. 77 00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:12,664 - All right, Noodle? - 'Got anything? ' 78 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:15,125 - No, man. - 'Eball says you was holding. ' 79 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,628 - I ain't got nothing. - 'Nothing at all? ' 80 00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:21,173 I've only got an 'enry meself. All right, laters. 81 00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:25,260 - Listen... - Ed... 82 00:06:25,344 --> 00:06:29,932 since you're not working at the moment could you please clean up a bit? 83 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:34,019 And if you play the answer machine, can you take down everyone's messages? 84 00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:36,813 - Yep. - It's not that taxing, is it? 85 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:39,525 Writing something on a scrap of paper? 86 00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:41,944 - Nope. - Right. 87 00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:46,698 - Dom, hi... 88 00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:49,076 Come on, it was pretty funny. 89 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:52,871 - Will you do what he said? - I ain't doing nothing for him. 90 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,957 Do it for me, then. 91 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,794 I'm sorry, Shaun. 92 00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:01,129 - It's all right. - No, no. 93 00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:03,298 I'm sorry, Shaun. 94 00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:07,427 Oh! 95 00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:09,638 Oh, my God, that's rotten. 96 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:13,308 - I'll stop doing 'em when you stop laughing. - I am not laughing. 97 00:07:13,392 --> 00:07:15,310 - Get that. - You get it. 98 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:21,525 'Shaun, it's me. I'm gonna be a bit tied up today 99 00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:24,778 'so can you book the table for eight rather than seven? 100 00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,989 'I'll try you at work. Bye, bye. ' 101 00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:32,286 Hey! You're dead. 102 00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:44,173 - Spare some change, please, mister? - Yeah. 103 00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:48,844 Watch out. Are you blind? 104 00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:03,317 'The American deep space probe Omega 6 105 00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:07,613 'unexpectedly re-entered Earth's atmosphere over England 106 00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,698 'and broke apart over... ' 107 00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:27,966 Nelson? 108 00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:30,969 Nelson? 109 00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,974 Hello, my friend. No beer today? 110 00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:38,310 No, it's a bit early for me. 111 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:53,200 Gather round, everyone. Gather round, please. 112 00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,869 Gather round. 113 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:58,497 As well as Mr Sloman being off today 114 00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:01,416 I'm afraid Ash is feeling a little bit under the weather, 115 00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:03,919 so I will be taking charge as the... 116 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:07,130 - Oldest. - Senior staff member. 117 00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:10,175 So if we can all pull together... 118 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,929 - Hello? Hello, mate. - Noel? 119 00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:16,515 I was totally munted last night. 120 00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:19,768 Yeah, I spoke to him. He's only got Henry. 121 00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,522 All right, mate. Laters. 122 00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:34,575 - Continue. - Thank you. 123 00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:40,330 Erm, as Mr Sloman always says, there's no I in team but there is an I in pie. 124 00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:42,791 In... There's an I in meat pie. 125 00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:46,461 The anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he's talking about. 126 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,964 Phones off. It's not a social gathering. 127 00:09:48,964 --> 00:09:53,802 - All right, keep your hair on, grandad. - Hey! I'm 29 for Christ's sakes. 128 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,388 - How old are you? 20? 21? - 17. 129 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,682 Hey, well... 130 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:03,687 I know you don't wanna be here forever. I got things I wanna do with my life. 131 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:06,315 When? 132 00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:08,692 You got red on you. 133 00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:13,071 Hello, mate. 134 00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:16,283 This one comes with a basic digital package. 135 00:10:16,325 --> 00:10:20,370 You've got your lifestyle channels there, a bit of Trisha. 136 00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:24,416 Er, you've got entertainment. I don't know what that is. 137 00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:27,586 News. All the basic, er... news... 138 00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:30,672 - channels. - 'Bizarre events... ' 139 00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:33,592 'Coming after me... ' 140 00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:36,220 - Shaun. - I'm with customers. 141 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,388 It's your dad. 142 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,557 He's not my dad, 143 00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,684 he's my stepdad. 144 00:10:45,938 --> 00:10:47,898 Philip. 145 00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:51,026 Shaun. 146 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,280 You haven't forgotten about tomorrow? 147 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:58,534 - No. - Your bimonthly visit. 148 00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:00,577 No, I haven't forgotten. 149 00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:03,330 You could bring the flowers you forgot on Mother's Day. 150 00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:05,415 I was gonna. 151 00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:08,043 And not a cheap posy from a garage forecourt. 152 00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:10,546 I wasn't gonna. 153 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:15,217 Well, we look forward to seeing you tomorrow. 154 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,885 OK. 155 00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:19,054 You've got red on you. 156 00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:29,481 - I thought it wasn't a social gathering? - What? 157 00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:32,734 How comes you're allowed to speak to your dad? 158 00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:36,071 A, he's not my dad, OK? He's my stepdad. 159 00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:38,949 And B, it was an emergency. 160 00:11:38,991 --> 00:11:42,619 What, like buying your mum some flowers? 161 00:11:42,661 --> 00:11:47,958 Noel, I do not find it difficult to keep my work and my social life separate. 162 00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,586 Shaun, it's Liz for you. 163 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,757 - Hello. - 'Hello, it's me. ' 164 00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:58,093 - Hello. - 'Did you get my message? ' 165 00:11:58,177 --> 00:12:00,679 - Yep. - 'So it's all OK, then? ' 166 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:03,932 - Yep. - 'Eight at the place with all the fish? 167 00:12:04,016 --> 00:12:07,519 'Cool, that's great. Just ring me later. ' 168 00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:10,981 - Goodbye, Liz. - 'Bye. Bye, bye, bye. ' 169 00:12:11,023 --> 00:12:14,443 Liz from Head Office. It's nothing to panic about. 170 00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:21,033 Sir? Sir? 171 00:12:21,325 --> 00:12:23,702 Sorry. Erm, they're for my mum. 172 00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:29,374 Mum. "To a wonderful Mum" or "Supermum"? 173 00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:32,294 - Er... the first one. - Right. 174 00:12:49,061 --> 00:12:53,315 '... London seems to have gone completely bonkers... ' 175 00:13:16,922 --> 00:13:19,842 - Oh, my God! Shaun! - Yvonne. 176 00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:22,845 Oooh! How are you doing? 177 00:13:22,928 --> 00:13:25,347 - Surviving. - Are you living round here? 178 00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:28,600 - Yeah, are you? - Yeah, I just bought a place. 179 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,812 - Bought? - I know, bit grown-up, eh? 180 00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:34,189 - Are you still with...? - Liz. 181 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:38,694 That's great. Glad somebody made it. How long's that been now? 182 00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:43,198 - Er, it's three years ago last week. - Did you do anything special? 183 00:13:43,282 --> 00:13:46,285 - We're going out for a meal tonight. - Anywhere nice? 184 00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:50,289 Yeah... 185 00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:56,420 Come on! 186 00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:02,134 - Are you gonna thank me, then? - For what? 187 00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:04,219 Tidying up. 188 00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:07,472 - It doesn't look tidy. - I had a few beers when I finished. 189 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:10,058 'Hello, Fulci's. Can you hold, please? ' 190 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:12,477 - Do you want your messages? - What? 191 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,897 Your mum rang about tomorrow night. 192 00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:17,900 Liz rang about the two of you eating out tonight. 193 00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:21,862 Then your mum rang back to see if I wanted to eat her out tonight. 194 00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:25,282 - 'Hello, Fulci's. ' - Hi, I know it's short notice 195 00:14:25,324 --> 00:14:29,786 but could you possibly do me a table for two for tonight at about eight? 196 00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:32,831 'Sorry, we just gave away the last table. ' 197 00:14:37,169 --> 00:14:39,171 Wasn't true about your mum. 198 00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:40,797 Where are we gonna go? 199 00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:43,842 - The Winchester. - Don't be stupid! They don't do food. 200 00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:47,304 - There's a Breville out back. - Ed, this is serious! 201 00:14:47,346 --> 00:14:49,264 Hello. 202 00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:51,350 - 'Hello, it's me. ' - Hello. 203 00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:53,435 'What's the plan, then? ' 204 00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:57,940 Erm, there's been a bit of a... a mix-up with the table, babe. 205 00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:01,485 - 'What do you mean? ' - They're full up. 206 00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:04,279 'But... I thought you said it was all OK? ' 207 00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:06,198 Yeah. 208 00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:09,201 'You didn't book it, did you, Shaun? ' 209 00:15:09,243 --> 00:15:12,120 - No. - 'So... what is the plan, then? ' 210 00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:19,545 The Winchester? 211 00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:26,301 - 'Hello? ' - Dianne, can you let me in? 212 00:15:26,385 --> 00:15:29,304 - 'I'm not sure, Shaun. ' - Oh, come on. 213 00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:32,015 'Lizzie doesn't want to see you. ' 214 00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:35,978 - Just open the door! - 'She doesn't want to see you. ' 215 00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:41,108 Do you want me to climb up the wall, come through the window? Because I will. 216 00:15:41,233 --> 00:15:43,193 'You're not coming in. ' 217 00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:45,696 - OK, see you in a minute. - 'Don't... ' 218 00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,334 'Hi, it's me again. ' 219 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,087 Can we just talk about this? Let's go out. 220 00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:04,673 - To the Winchester? - Do you want to? 221 00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:07,676 - No, I don't fucking want to! - OK. 222 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,012 It's not the only place in the world. 223 00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:13,182 We'll go to the Shepherd's, they do Thai in there. 224 00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:16,143 - I'm going out with David and Di. - Let's go together. 225 00:16:16,268 --> 00:16:19,688 You hang out with my friends? "A failed actress and a twat"? 226 00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:23,442 That's harsh. I did not call Dianne a failed actress. 227 00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:28,113 Let's just go somewhere and have a laugh. Things'll be fine, I promise. 228 00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:30,199 You promised you'd stop smoking. 229 00:16:30,199 --> 00:16:33,535 You promised you'd try drinking red wine instead of beer! 230 00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:37,122 - You promised we'd go on holiday. - We went to Greece! 231 00:16:37,206 --> 00:16:39,583 - We met in Greece. - At a rave. 232 00:16:39,625 --> 00:16:42,628 It's not the same. You promised things would change. 233 00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:46,131 - You promised us free cable. - I'm working on that. 234 00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:50,636 I can give up smoking whenever I want. See, don't need them. 235 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,638 W- What was the next one? 236 00:16:52,721 --> 00:16:55,140 It's not enough, Shaun. 237 00:16:55,224 --> 00:17:00,062 'We appear to have a breakdown in communication there. 238 00:17:00,062 --> 00:17:02,731 'Lf you or someone you know may... ' 239 00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:05,359 I'd say your nine lives were up, Shaun. 240 00:17:05,484 --> 00:17:07,319 Get fucked, four-eyes! 241 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:10,072 You go out with her, you love her so much. 242 00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:12,157 What do you mean by that? 243 00:17:13,158 --> 00:17:17,746 '... the devastation really is extensive. It's a total mess. ' 244 00:17:17,788 --> 00:17:20,165 I don't know what he meant by that. 245 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:26,004 Got you these. 246 00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:35,264 - "To a wonderful mum"? - Oooh! 247 00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:37,975 Yeah, that's because... 248 00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:42,354 I thought it would be funny because of what you said last night 249 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:45,274 about you don't want to be my mum and that. 250 00:17:45,274 --> 00:17:49,278 It's just a little joke, just sort of spur of the moment. 251 00:17:50,404 --> 00:17:53,448 - They're for your mum, aren't they? - Yeah. 252 00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:55,200 Smooth. 253 00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:06,253 If I don't do something, I'll end up in that pub 254 00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:09,715 for the rest of my life like those other sad old fuckers 255 00:18:09,798 --> 00:18:12,467 wondering what the hell happened. 256 00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:15,137 What do you mean do something? 257 00:18:48,504 --> 00:18:51,798 Fuck her. You got your pint. 258 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,052 You got your pig snacks. What more do you want? 259 00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:59,431 Oh. You want your favourite monkey? 260 00:19:00,891 --> 00:19:02,768 Shall I do Clyde? 261 00:19:15,489 --> 00:19:17,699 See, I knew you'd get over her. 262 00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:30,504 Who the hell put this on? 263 00:19:30,546 --> 00:19:33,090 It's on random. 264 00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:35,926 For fuck's sake. John, yes please, mate. 265 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:43,976 You know what we should do tomorrow? Keep drinking. 266 00:19:44,059 --> 00:19:46,019 A Bloody Mary first thing, 267 00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:49,481 a bite at the King's Head, couple at The Little Princess, 268 00:19:49,565 --> 00:19:52,901 stagger back here and bang... back at the bar for shots. 269 00:19:52,943 --> 00:19:55,112 How's that for a slice of fried gold? 270 00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:57,322 - No. - Come on, man. 271 00:19:59,825 --> 00:20:01,743 Talk to me. 272 00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:06,248 She said if she stayed with me she'd end up in here for the rest of her life 273 00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:09,918 like these sad old fuckers wondering what the hell happened. 274 00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:11,879 That is harsh. 275 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:15,632 - These are rich, interesting characters. - Like who? 276 00:20:19,011 --> 00:20:22,848 Snakehips. Always surrounded by women. 277 00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:24,808 He's a bigamist. 278 00:20:24,850 --> 00:20:27,936 Strangled his first wife with a draught excluder. 279 00:20:27,978 --> 00:20:30,230 And invented the mobile disco. 280 00:20:31,190 --> 00:20:33,650 What about her, then? 281 00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:36,111 Ooh! Cockacidal maniac. 282 00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:40,032 She's an ex-porn star. 283 00:20:40,032 --> 00:20:44,328 They say she starred in the world's first interracial hardcore loop. 284 00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:47,247 Cafe Au Lait... 285 00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:49,875 Pour Vous. 286 00:20:50,876 --> 00:20:53,295 Yeah. What about John, then? 287 00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:56,423 He's North London Mafia. 288 00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:58,509 It's true, Big Al says so. 289 00:20:58,634 --> 00:21:01,512 Yeah, Big Al also says dogs can't look up. 290 00:21:01,512 --> 00:21:05,807 Think about it. Handy with a blade. Gruff demeanour. 291 00:21:05,849 --> 00:21:08,060 Bernie, the trophy wife. 292 00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:10,896 He's connected. Why is there a rifle above the bar? 293 00:21:11,021 --> 00:21:14,316 - The pub's called the Winchester. - Exactly. 294 00:21:14,358 --> 00:21:17,569 See, you don't need Liz to have a good time. 295 00:21:17,611 --> 00:21:19,571 - Don't, man. - No. 296 00:21:19,613 --> 00:21:21,740 Oi, look at me. 297 00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:26,537 Can I just say one thing? I'm not gonna say there's plenty more fish in the sea, 298 00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:29,081 I'm not gonna say if you love her let her go 299 00:21:29,164 --> 00:21:34,503 and I'm not gonna bombard you with clichés but what I will say is this... 300 00:21:34,503 --> 00:21:36,338 it's not the end of the world. 301 00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:44,513 Sorry, we're closed. 302 00:21:47,391 --> 00:21:48,976 Pisshead. 303 00:22:03,282 --> 00:22:04,950 Oh? 304 00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:08,453 What's the matter, love, haven't you had your tea? 305 00:22:16,086 --> 00:22:18,881 Shh! 306 00:22:20,048 --> 00:22:21,800 Blow! 307 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,485 What? He should say base. 308 00:22:40,569 --> 00:22:42,404 Or freeze. 309 00:22:42,446 --> 00:22:44,239 What a tit. 310 00:23:03,425 --> 00:23:05,594 Don't scratch it! Wait... 311 00:23:06,762 --> 00:23:11,683 - That was the second album I ever bought! - It's four in the fucking morning! 312 00:23:11,683 --> 00:23:13,769 - It's Saturday! - No, it's not. 313 00:23:13,852 --> 00:23:17,147 It's fucking Sunday and I've got to go to fucking work 314 00:23:17,189 --> 00:23:21,276 in four fucking hours because every other fucker is fucking ill! 315 00:23:21,276 --> 00:23:23,862 Now can you see why I'm so fucking angry? 316 00:23:23,946 --> 00:23:25,822 - Fuck, yeah! - Hey! Pete, look, 317 00:23:25,864 --> 00:23:31,578 I'm sorry, we had a couple of drinks, we split up with Liz tonight. 318 00:23:33,372 --> 00:23:35,624 Just keep it down, yeah? 319 00:23:36,792 --> 00:23:38,252 Prick. 320 00:23:38,377 --> 00:23:40,128 What was that? 321 00:23:40,212 --> 00:23:41,672 Nothing. 322 00:23:41,713 --> 00:23:45,717 - Stop it, we're friends! - He's not my friend. He's a fucking idiot. 323 00:23:45,759 --> 00:23:49,721 - What's that supposed to mean? - It means why don't you fuck off! 324 00:23:49,805 --> 00:23:53,559 You wanna live like an animal, live in the shed, you thick fuck! 325 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,311 - Leave him alone! - Stop defending him. 326 00:23:56,395 --> 00:23:58,230 All he ever does is hold you back. 327 00:23:58,272 --> 00:24:02,317 Or is it easier having someone around who's more of a loser than you? 328 00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:05,654 - What's that supposed to mean? - You know what I mean. 329 00:24:05,779 --> 00:24:08,490 I assume it was Liz who did the dumping? 330 00:24:09,950 --> 00:24:12,703 Sort your fucking life out, mate. 331 00:24:12,744 --> 00:24:15,497 What's up with your hand, man? 332 00:24:16,748 --> 00:24:20,085 - I got mugged on the way home from work. - By who? 333 00:24:20,085 --> 00:24:23,172 - Some crackheads. One of them bit me. - Why? 334 00:24:23,213 --> 00:24:26,383 I don't know, I didn't stop to ask them! 335 00:24:26,425 --> 00:24:30,512 I've got a splitting headache and your stupid hip hop isn't helping. 336 00:24:30,596 --> 00:24:33,432 And the front door is open. Again! 337 00:24:35,392 --> 00:24:39,146 It's not hip hop, it's electro. Prick. 338 00:24:39,271 --> 00:24:41,857 Next time I see him, he's dead. 339 00:24:53,202 --> 00:24:56,246 'Shaun, it's me. I'm gonna be a bit tied up today 340 00:24:56,371 --> 00:24:59,875 'so can you book the table for eight rather than seven? 341 00:24:59,917 --> 00:25:01,960 'I'll try you at work. Bye, bye. ' 342 00:25:03,545 --> 00:25:06,215 'Hello, pickle. It's me, Mum. 343 00:25:06,256 --> 00:25:10,719 'Dad mentioned you might be visiting tomorrow which would be lovely. 344 00:25:10,844 --> 00:25:14,056 'Will you be bringing Elizabeth with you this time? 345 00:25:14,181 --> 00:25:16,683 'Only we can't wait to meet her finally 346 00:25:16,808 --> 00:25:21,271 'and also I was wondering if she wanted anything special for lunch? 347 00:25:21,396 --> 00:25:25,234 'Cos these days a lot of people don't eat meat. ' 348 00:25:38,163 --> 00:25:40,666 Do you want anything from the shop? 349 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,086 Cornetto. 350 00:26:51,987 --> 00:26:54,490 Nelson, have you got any papers? 351 00:26:56,241 --> 00:26:58,869 Nelson? I haven't even... 352 00:26:58,994 --> 00:27:01,079 I owe you about 15p. 353 00:27:33,362 --> 00:27:35,447 Oh dear. 354 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,369 Sorry, I haven't got any change. 355 00:27:40,452 --> 00:27:44,456 I didn't even have enough at the fucking shop. Oh dear. 356 00:27:54,132 --> 00:28:00,055 '... no official comment but religious groups are calling it Judgement Day. There's... ' 357 00:28:03,100 --> 00:28:06,728 - '... number of reports of... ' - '... serious attacks on... ' 358 00:28:06,770 --> 00:28:09,648 - '... people who are being... ' - '... eaten alive. ' 359 00:28:09,773 --> 00:28:14,152 'Witness reports are sketchy. One unifying detail seems to be 360 00:28:14,194 --> 00:28:16,989 'that the attackers appear to be... ' 361 00:28:17,072 --> 00:28:20,576 '... the sensational chart-topping... ' 362 00:28:20,617 --> 00:28:25,747 '... or ideological connection between those committing the atrocities... ' 363 00:28:25,747 --> 00:28:28,083 There's a girl in the garden. 364 00:28:28,125 --> 00:28:32,004 - '... emergency services... ' - What? 365 00:28:32,087 --> 00:28:34,173 In the garden, there is a girl. 366 00:28:34,256 --> 00:28:38,844 '... the armed forces will be called in to provide backup and assistance. 367 00:28:38,969 --> 00:28:43,849 'Scientists are still trying to establish the nature of the phenomenon 368 00:28:43,891 --> 00:28:46,602 'and are unsure as to the... ' 369 00:28:46,602 --> 00:28:49,104 Excuse me. 370 00:28:52,024 --> 00:28:53,984 Excuse me. 371 00:28:56,278 --> 00:28:57,738 Hello. 372 00:29:02,117 --> 00:29:04,536 - What are you doing? - Oi! 373 00:29:23,055 --> 00:29:24,723 Oh, my God. 374 00:29:27,351 --> 00:29:29,436 She's so drunk. 375 00:29:32,898 --> 00:29:35,150 How much have you had, love? 376 00:29:35,150 --> 00:29:37,986 - Oh! I think she likes you. - Shut up. 377 00:29:38,070 --> 00:29:41,532 - She wants a cuddle! - I've just come out of a relationship. 378 00:29:41,657 --> 00:29:45,410 - Ed, do something! - Wait there. 379 00:29:45,494 --> 00:29:47,579 - Ed! - Two seconds. 380 00:29:47,663 --> 00:29:50,415 I'm really flattered and everything but... 381 00:29:52,376 --> 00:29:54,169 And, hold it there. 382 00:29:54,253 --> 00:29:56,338 Ed! Just get her off me. 383 00:29:56,380 --> 00:29:58,632 Jesus! 384 00:30:00,175 --> 00:30:04,596 - What's up with her eyes? - Now, seriously... 385 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:08,517 Mary, I'm warning you, I'll have to get physical, I mean it! 386 00:30:08,559 --> 00:30:10,727 This is it... Look, just fuck off! 387 00:30:45,053 --> 00:30:47,723 - I think we should go back inside. - OK. 388 00:30:56,398 --> 00:30:58,984 - Shaun, what's going on? - Shit, it's engaged. 389 00:30:59,234 --> 00:31:02,446 - How about an ambulance? - It's engaged, Ed. 390 00:31:03,405 --> 00:31:06,783 - Fire engine? - It's one number and it's busy! 391 00:31:06,825 --> 00:31:11,747 - And what do you want a fire engine for? - Anything with flashing lights. 392 00:31:11,830 --> 00:31:13,999 Are they still out there? 393 00:31:20,672 --> 00:31:24,134 Yeah. What do you think we should do? 394 00:31:24,176 --> 00:31:25,886 Have a sit-down? 395 00:31:25,928 --> 00:31:28,722 'There are reports of chaos on the motorways 396 00:31:28,847 --> 00:31:32,059 'as thousands of people attempt to flee the cities. 397 00:31:32,100 --> 00:31:35,812 'The M1, the M3, M4, M6... ' 398 00:31:35,938 --> 00:31:40,567 - Do you think this is the same thing? - '... are all at a standstill. 399 00:31:40,609 --> 00:31:46,865 'The Home Office is urging people to stay in their homes and await further instruction. ' 400 00:31:46,949 --> 00:31:49,868 'Ensure all residences are secure 401 00:31:49,868 --> 00:31:54,998 'with all doors and windows firmly locked and barricaded. Police... ' 402 00:31:58,877 --> 00:32:02,089 - For God's sake! He's got an arm off! - Get him! 403 00:32:16,061 --> 00:32:22,401 'More reports just in confirm that in all cases the attackers seem slow and shambolic... ' 404 00:32:22,526 --> 00:32:24,778 I'm gonna shut the front door. 405 00:32:24,820 --> 00:32:28,991 '... regarding the best way to neutralise the attackers. 406 00:32:29,074 --> 00:32:34,329 'Ln the meantime, contact with these assailants is highly inadvisable. ' 407 00:32:34,413 --> 00:32:38,250 - Did you see his head go? - 'If you're confronted... ' 408 00:32:41,170 --> 00:32:44,423 - We should get out there. - No, we should stay inside. 409 00:32:44,506 --> 00:32:47,551 - We can take 'em. - The man said to stay indoors. 410 00:32:47,593 --> 00:32:50,262 - Fuck the man. - In here, we're safe. 411 00:32:53,682 --> 00:32:58,687 '... the attackers can be stopped by removing the head or destroying the brain. 412 00:32:58,729 --> 00:33:04,026 'I'll repeat that, by removing the head or destroying the brain. ' 413 00:33:11,533 --> 00:33:13,118 Hey! 414 00:33:14,953 --> 00:33:16,747 Aim for the head. 415 00:33:35,807 --> 00:33:37,601 - Now what? - Get more stuff. 416 00:33:37,726 --> 00:33:40,229 - What's in the shed? - Dunno, it's locked. 417 00:33:40,229 --> 00:33:42,731 - Why is it locked? - It's always been locked. 418 00:33:44,483 --> 00:33:46,902 No! That's the second album I ever bought! 419 00:33:54,409 --> 00:33:57,830 Some of these are limited... Ah! What was that? 420 00:33:57,913 --> 00:34:00,415 - Blue Monday. - That was an original pressing. 421 00:34:00,541 --> 00:34:02,626 For fuck's sake. 422 00:34:02,751 --> 00:34:04,670 - Erm... Purple Rain? - No. 423 00:34:04,711 --> 00:34:06,505 - Sign O' The Times? - Definitely not. 424 00:34:06,588 --> 00:34:08,674 - The Batman soundtrack? - Throw it. 425 00:34:11,385 --> 00:34:13,262 - Dire Straits? - Throw it. 426 00:34:17,224 --> 00:34:19,518 - Er... Ooh, Stone Roses? - No. 427 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:21,812 - Second Coming? - I like it. 428 00:34:21,937 --> 00:34:23,981 Ah! Sade? 429 00:34:24,022 --> 00:34:26,191 - That's Liz's. - She dumped you. 430 00:34:28,193 --> 00:34:30,863 - I'm going to the shed. - You said it was locked. 431 00:34:41,957 --> 00:34:45,878 - Which one do you want? Girl or bloke? - Er... the first one. 432 00:35:04,771 --> 00:35:09,234 'People receiving bites have experienced headaches and nausea 433 00:35:09,276 --> 00:35:11,236 'and developed symptoms... ' 434 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:13,197 You've got red on you. 435 00:35:13,238 --> 00:35:15,616 'Lf you know someone who has been bitten 436 00:35:15,741 --> 00:35:19,995 'it is absolutely essential that you isolate them immediately. 437 00:35:20,037 --> 00:35:24,249 'The public are being strongly advised not to approach anyone... ' 438 00:35:24,500 --> 00:35:26,251 Pete? 439 00:35:29,671 --> 00:35:31,173 Pete? 440 00:35:31,256 --> 00:35:33,342 - Why don't we just go up? - Don't go up there! 441 00:35:33,425 --> 00:35:36,470 - Why not? - Because A, he might be one of them 442 00:35:36,595 --> 00:35:39,181 and B, he might still be annoyed. 443 00:35:39,223 --> 00:35:41,141 Pete? 444 00:35:41,183 --> 00:35:43,268 Maybe he went into work. 445 00:35:43,352 --> 00:35:46,563 How come he didn't drive? His keys are still here. 446 00:35:46,605 --> 00:35:51,276 Maybe he got a lift. He said he wasn't feeling well. Pete? 447 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:53,987 Oi, prick! 448 00:35:54,112 --> 00:35:56,365 He's not in. 449 00:35:56,365 --> 00:35:59,284 - You got a fag? - No, I've given up. 450 00:35:59,326 --> 00:36:01,829 - Since when? - Since... 451 00:36:04,623 --> 00:36:07,417 Come on, babe. Oh, she's engaged. 452 00:36:07,459 --> 00:36:10,045 - That was quick. - Ed, this is serious. 453 00:36:10,087 --> 00:36:11,463 Liz! 454 00:36:11,505 --> 00:36:14,967 - 'Shaun. ' - Mum! I was gonna call you. Are you OK? 455 00:36:14,967 --> 00:36:17,052 - 'Yes. ' - Are you sure? 456 00:36:17,135 --> 00:36:19,721 'Some men tried to get into the house. ' 457 00:36:19,721 --> 00:36:23,809 - Are they still there? - 'I'm not sure. We shut the curtains. ' 458 00:36:23,851 --> 00:36:27,563 - Did you try the police? - 'Well, I thought about it. ' 459 00:36:27,604 --> 00:36:31,108 - Are you OK? Did they hurt you? - 'No, I'm fine. ' 460 00:36:31,149 --> 00:36:35,279 - Mum? - 'Well... they were a bit bitey. ' 461 00:36:37,364 --> 00:36:41,118 - Mum, have you been bitten? - 'No, but Philip has. ' 462 00:36:41,201 --> 00:36:43,203 - Oh, OK. - Has she been bitten? 463 00:36:43,287 --> 00:36:45,038 - No, Philip has. - Oh, OK. 464 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:49,543 - Mum, what state is he in? - 'He's fine. Bit under the weather. ' 465 00:36:49,668 --> 00:36:51,503 - I see. - What's the deal? 466 00:36:51,545 --> 00:36:55,924 We may have to kill my stepdad. Mum, you're not safe there. I'm coming. 467 00:36:56,049 --> 00:36:59,344 - 'I don't want to cause a fuss. ' - We're coming to get you, Barbara! 468 00:37:00,095 --> 00:37:02,681 So, what's the plan? 469 00:37:05,434 --> 00:37:06,685 Right. 470 00:37:07,603 --> 00:37:10,397 'We take Pete's car, we drive over to Mum's, 471 00:37:10,439 --> 00:37:13,859 'we go in, we take care of Philip. ' 472 00:37:13,901 --> 00:37:16,153 I'm so sorry, Philip. 473 00:37:16,278 --> 00:37:18,739 'Then we grab Mum, go over to Liz's place, 474 00:37:18,780 --> 00:37:21,033 'hole up, have a cup of tea 475 00:37:21,074 --> 00:37:23,952 'and wait for all this to blow over. ' 476 00:37:23,952 --> 00:37:26,872 - Why have we got to go to Liz's? - Because we do. 477 00:37:26,997 --> 00:37:29,791 - She dumped you. - I have to know if she's all right. 478 00:37:29,833 --> 00:37:32,294 - Why? - Because I love her. 479 00:37:33,587 --> 00:37:35,631 All right, gay. 480 00:37:35,672 --> 00:37:38,425 - I'm not staying there, though. - Why not? 481 00:37:38,467 --> 00:37:41,136 If we hole up, I want to be somewhere familiar, 482 00:37:41,178 --> 00:37:45,224 I wanna know where the exits are and I wanna be allowed to smoke. 483 00:37:45,265 --> 00:37:47,518 OK... 484 00:37:47,559 --> 00:37:49,645 'Take Pete's car, go round Mum's, 485 00:37:49,728 --> 00:37:52,231 'go in, deal with Philip. ' 486 00:37:52,356 --> 00:37:53,565 Sorry, Philip. 487 00:37:53,690 --> 00:37:57,194 'Grab mum, go to Liz's, pick her up, bring her back here, 488 00:37:57,236 --> 00:38:00,697 'have a cup of tea and wait for all this to blow over. ' 489 00:38:00,697 --> 00:38:02,115 Perfik. 490 00:38:02,157 --> 00:38:05,160 No, wait, we can't bring them back here. 491 00:38:05,244 --> 00:38:07,996 - Why not? - It's not exactly safe, is it? 492 00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:10,958 Yeah. Look at the state of it. 493 00:38:10,999 --> 00:38:13,836 Where's safe? Where's familiar? 494 00:38:13,919 --> 00:38:15,504 Where can I smoke? 495 00:38:21,009 --> 00:38:23,595 'Take car, go to Mum's, kill Phil. ' 496 00:38:23,637 --> 00:38:27,057 - Sorry. - 'Grab Liz, go to the Winchester, 497 00:38:27,182 --> 00:38:31,019 'have a nice cold pint and wait for all this to blow over. ' 498 00:38:32,062 --> 00:38:34,773 How's that for a slice of fried gold? 499 00:38:34,857 --> 00:38:36,525 Yeah, boy! 500 00:38:36,650 --> 00:38:39,862 'To recap, it is vital that you stay in your homes. 501 00:38:39,987 --> 00:38:42,364 'Make no attempt to reach loved ones 502 00:38:42,406 --> 00:38:46,118 'and avoid all physical contact with the assailants. ' 503 00:38:46,243 --> 00:38:49,037 Do you believe everything you hear on TV? 504 00:38:50,122 --> 00:38:53,041 Yeah, I can see it, it's just outside. 505 00:38:53,041 --> 00:38:55,127 Any zombies out there? 506 00:38:56,128 --> 00:38:57,921 - Don't say that. - What? 507 00:38:58,046 --> 00:38:59,965 - That. - What? 508 00:39:00,007 --> 00:39:02,384 That. The Z word. Don't say it. 509 00:39:02,509 --> 00:39:05,012 - Why not? - Because it's ridiculous. 510 00:39:05,095 --> 00:39:08,640 All right. Are there any out there, though? 511 00:39:10,642 --> 00:39:14,062 Can't see any. Maybe it's not as bad as all that. 512 00:39:14,104 --> 00:39:16,148 Oh! No, there they are. 513 00:39:18,567 --> 00:39:20,861 - OK, let's do this, yeah? - Yeah? 514 00:39:20,903 --> 00:39:23,071 Yeah! I got to do a wee first. 515 00:39:23,071 --> 00:39:25,157 Ooh... can I drive? 516 00:39:25,157 --> 00:39:26,783 What? 517 00:39:26,825 --> 00:39:30,746 I always wanted to drive Pete's car. I might not get another chance. 518 00:39:30,787 --> 00:39:32,456 OK. 519 00:40:04,363 --> 00:40:06,114 Ahh! Oh, God. 520 00:40:06,198 --> 00:40:10,619 Sorry, Pete. Listen, we're gonna borrow your car, OK? 521 00:40:10,619 --> 00:40:12,663 Erm, we'll bring it back. 522 00:40:12,704 --> 00:40:17,876 And if you're feeling better later, we're... we're going to the pub. 523 00:40:18,001 --> 00:40:21,463 You're more than welcome to, er... 524 00:40:21,463 --> 00:40:22,881 join us. 525 00:40:30,848 --> 00:40:33,851 Pete'd be so pissed off if he knew I was driving his car. 526 00:40:33,976 --> 00:40:35,394 I don't think so. 527 00:40:38,146 --> 00:40:40,649 Shaun, which button's central locking? 528 00:40:45,654 --> 00:40:47,406 Oh, cock it! 529 00:40:48,574 --> 00:40:50,742 Get lost! 530 00:41:04,715 --> 00:41:06,675 Drive. 531 00:41:08,468 --> 00:41:12,931 'The Church of England has joined other extremist religious groups 532 00:41:12,973 --> 00:41:16,268 'in proclaiming this "a sign of a coming apocalypse". 533 00:41:16,393 --> 00:41:20,522 'Downing Street is refusing to be drawn into a religious debate. 534 00:41:20,564 --> 00:41:26,278 'The bodies of the recently deceased are returning to life and attacking the living. ' 535 00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:29,198 Let's put something else on. 536 00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:31,700 What are you doing? Ed, look out! 537 00:41:36,205 --> 00:41:38,290 I think we hit something. 538 00:41:40,876 --> 00:41:42,794 Or someone. 539 00:41:42,878 --> 00:41:44,463 Ow! 540 00:41:52,262 --> 00:41:55,057 Are you all right? 541 00:41:55,057 --> 00:41:57,142 Come on, let's just go. 542 00:41:58,101 --> 00:41:59,353 Hello? 543 00:41:59,478 --> 00:42:02,606 - He's gonna be dead either way. - That's not the point. 544 00:42:08,612 --> 00:42:10,697 Oh, thank God for that. 545 00:42:14,243 --> 00:42:16,870 Ah, hello. 546 00:42:17,913 --> 00:42:19,790 Who's a pretty boy then? 547 00:42:23,669 --> 00:42:27,297 You didn't say Barbara had a Jag. I've always wanted to drive a Jag. 548 00:42:27,339 --> 00:42:29,675 It's Philip's. He won't let anybody near it. 549 00:42:29,716 --> 00:42:33,345 I put a Mars Bar in it once and he chased me with a bit of wood. 550 00:42:33,387 --> 00:42:37,015 - Fuck, it's gorgeous. - It seems pretty clear, we should go. 551 00:42:37,099 --> 00:42:39,893 Why don't I stay here? 552 00:42:39,893 --> 00:42:42,062 What, what, what, what, what? 553 00:42:42,104 --> 00:42:46,066 You know, just look after the car. If there's any problems... 554 00:42:46,150 --> 00:42:48,152 I'll honk three times. 555 00:42:48,235 --> 00:42:49,403 OK. 556 00:42:53,991 --> 00:42:56,285 Don't forget to kill Philip! 557 00:42:57,536 --> 00:42:59,705 - Hello, pickle. - Hi, Mum. 558 00:43:00,455 --> 00:43:02,332 You've got red on you. 559 00:43:02,457 --> 00:43:05,669 Yeah. Mum, is everything OK? Are you all right? 560 00:43:05,711 --> 00:43:08,046 - Yes, I'm fine. - Where's Philip? 561 00:43:08,172 --> 00:43:10,549 - Dad's in the lounge. - He's not my dad. 562 00:43:10,591 --> 00:43:11,925 Really! 563 00:43:12,050 --> 00:43:14,428 Ed's outside, we'll take you somewhere safe. 564 00:43:14,553 --> 00:43:18,140 - What about the doctor? - I don't think he's gonna come. 565 00:43:18,182 --> 00:43:21,727 - Philip won't want to leave the house. - Philip isn't... 566 00:43:21,768 --> 00:43:24,646 Put the kettle on and I'll deal with Philip. 567 00:43:24,730 --> 00:43:26,607 - OK. - OK, then. 568 00:43:26,648 --> 00:43:28,358 - You hungry? - Not really. 569 00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:30,819 - I'll make some sandwiches. - OK. 570 00:43:31,737 --> 00:43:33,822 No fighting, you two. 571 00:43:34,990 --> 00:43:37,993 '... you may ask where is our God? 572 00:43:39,036 --> 00:43:42,998 'But throughout the land, men and women of integrity 573 00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:45,834 'rise up to confront the unseen enemy. 574 00:43:47,503 --> 00:43:49,755 'They will not be cowards, 575 00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:53,509 'they will be courageous in the face of danger. ' 576 00:43:59,765 --> 00:44:02,184 - I'm so sorry, Philip. - Why? 577 00:44:02,267 --> 00:44:04,686 - What have you done now? - Nothing. 578 00:44:04,770 --> 00:44:07,189 What have you got there? Flowers, I hope. 579 00:44:07,231 --> 00:44:10,067 No, it's... cricket bat. 580 00:44:10,108 --> 00:44:12,986 - Is that for the jumble, Shaun? - No. Yes. 581 00:44:13,028 --> 00:44:16,573 Your toys are upstairs. I was going to give them to the jumble. 582 00:44:16,615 --> 00:44:19,701 - I took them all to the tip, Barbara. - What? 583 00:44:19,785 --> 00:44:22,830 - Shaun wants to take us somewhere. - Don't be silly. 584 00:44:22,955 --> 00:44:25,624 Maybe you should stay here and wait for the doctor. 585 00:44:25,749 --> 00:44:29,086 - You said he wasn't coming. - You didn't call the doctor? 586 00:44:29,211 --> 00:44:34,091 - Just to be on the safe side. - I'm fine. I ran it under a cold tap. 587 00:44:34,216 --> 00:44:37,427 We had ourjabs when we went to the Isle of Wight. 588 00:44:37,469 --> 00:44:40,222 - But, Philip... - It's overblown nonsense. 589 00:44:40,347 --> 00:44:44,518 - A lot of drug nuts running wild. - But I should get Mum away. 590 00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:47,729 - I'm not going anywhere without Philip. - Mum, look! 591 00:44:47,771 --> 00:44:50,732 How about that tea? 592 00:44:50,774 --> 00:44:54,695 Mum, how much do you love Philip? 593 00:44:54,736 --> 00:44:58,490 - Two sugars, is it? - I haven't had sugar in my tea since 1982. 594 00:44:58,574 --> 00:45:01,493 Oh, yes. Will you cut me some bread, love? 595 00:45:01,535 --> 00:45:04,288 Mum, look, how much do you love Philip? 596 00:45:04,329 --> 00:45:07,040 Do we have to go through all that again? 597 00:45:07,166 --> 00:45:11,336 What would you say if I told you that Philip's been quite unkind to me? 598 00:45:11,336 --> 00:45:13,297 You weren't easy to live with. 599 00:45:13,422 --> 00:45:17,050 - He chased me with a bit of wood! - You did call him a you-know-what. 600 00:45:17,092 --> 00:45:20,095 - Did he tell you that? Motherfucker. - Shaun! 601 00:45:20,095 --> 00:45:22,055 Sorry, Mother... Mum! 602 00:45:22,181 --> 00:45:26,727 Did you know that on several occasions... he touched me? 603 00:45:32,483 --> 00:45:35,694 That wasn't true. Made it up, shouldn't have, sorry. 604 00:45:35,819 --> 00:45:39,031 - You don't understand... - No, you don't understand. 605 00:45:39,156 --> 00:45:42,075 Philip is my husband and has been for 17 years 606 00:45:42,201 --> 00:45:45,746 and I would at least expect you to respect my feelings. 607 00:45:45,829 --> 00:45:48,540 You must be more adult about these things. 608 00:45:48,624 --> 00:45:50,501 Yeah. 609 00:45:50,542 --> 00:45:54,796 Come on, Shaun. There comes a time when... 610 00:45:55,839 --> 00:45:58,217 you just... 611 00:45:58,342 --> 00:46:00,427 gotta be a man. 612 00:46:07,643 --> 00:46:10,229 I'm telling you, it's a fuss over nothing. 613 00:46:10,312 --> 00:46:12,231 Hello, Edward. 614 00:46:12,314 --> 00:46:14,817 - Hi, Barbara. - My, how you've grown. 615 00:46:14,900 --> 00:46:18,487 You better believe it. What happened? Why is he coming? 616 00:46:18,487 --> 00:46:21,990 - It wasn't as easy as all that. - Are we following you? 617 00:46:22,115 --> 00:46:25,661 No, it's probably best if we... Where's the car? 618 00:46:25,744 --> 00:46:28,789 Hmm... I pranged it. 619 00:46:28,914 --> 00:46:30,457 You were parked. 620 00:46:30,582 --> 00:46:32,334 Yeah. 621 00:46:32,417 --> 00:46:34,920 I guess we'll have to take the Jag. 622 00:46:36,588 --> 00:46:38,924 - Philip? - What? 623 00:46:38,924 --> 00:46:41,009 Look out! 624 00:46:42,678 --> 00:46:44,513 Christ! 625 00:46:52,855 --> 00:46:55,691 - Give me the car keys! - You're not driving that car. 626 00:46:55,774 --> 00:46:58,944 Give me the car keys! Ed, get Mum in the car. 627 00:46:59,027 --> 00:47:01,196 I'm on it. 628 00:47:01,321 --> 00:47:04,241 Don't worry about me. Worry about your mother. 629 00:47:05,367 --> 00:47:08,620 - Maybe I should drive. - I've adjusted the seat now. 630 00:47:08,704 --> 00:47:10,497 Just be careful! 631 00:47:21,341 --> 00:47:24,136 Can you please turn that noise down? 632 00:47:25,721 --> 00:47:29,057 Are you all right, dear? Would you like another tissue? 633 00:47:29,141 --> 00:47:32,603 I'd be fine if it weren't for that bloody racket. 634 00:47:32,644 --> 00:47:34,813 - It is a bit loud. - Sorry, Barbara. 635 00:47:37,483 --> 00:47:39,985 You do realise this is a 20 mile an hour zone? 636 00:47:40,110 --> 00:47:41,653 Oh, yeah. 637 00:47:44,573 --> 00:47:47,201 - Here. - Mum, this won't take a second, all right? 638 00:47:50,662 --> 00:47:54,917 - Have you still got the child locks on? - Safety first, Shaun. 639 00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:57,002 You can't... 640 00:47:58,462 --> 00:48:01,089 Hey, man, watch the leather. 641 00:48:03,467 --> 00:48:06,512 Keep moving. If there's any problems... 642 00:48:06,512 --> 00:48:08,764 I'll do the honks. 643 00:48:32,871 --> 00:48:34,957 'Hello? ' 644 00:48:36,834 --> 00:48:39,461 Hello? 645 00:49:00,607 --> 00:49:03,402 - Guys, can you let me in? - What are you doing? 646 00:49:03,443 --> 00:49:06,238 I've come to get you. 647 00:49:18,333 --> 00:49:22,421 - What are you doing? - I've come to take you somewhere safe. 648 00:49:22,421 --> 00:49:24,673 - We were safe! - You don't know that. 649 00:49:24,673 --> 00:49:27,843 There was two of them out there. How many are there now? 650 00:49:27,843 --> 00:49:29,094 - Lots. - Lots! 651 00:49:29,178 --> 00:49:32,097 It only takes one of them to know you're in here. 652 00:49:32,181 --> 00:49:35,934 I tried calling but I couldn't get through. I had to come up with a plan. 653 00:49:35,976 --> 00:49:39,521 - Oh, you made a plan? - We have to get out of here. 654 00:49:39,521 --> 00:49:42,191 If we don't, they'll tear us to pieces. 655 00:49:42,191 --> 00:49:45,110 And that will exacerbate things for all of us. 656 00:49:45,152 --> 00:49:48,030 - Shaun... - This is not about you and me. 657 00:49:48,071 --> 00:49:50,115 This is about survival. 658 00:49:50,115 --> 00:49:54,119 We need to be somewhere more secure, somewhere we can stay alive. 659 00:49:54,203 --> 00:49:56,371 - We're with you, Shaun. - What? 660 00:49:56,497 --> 00:49:59,208 - We're with you. - I'm not going out there. 661 00:49:59,291 --> 00:50:04,129 Daffs! I don't want to be torn to pieces and if you think about it, neither do you. 662 00:50:04,129 --> 00:50:06,798 - I'm not going if Lizzie's not going. - She's going. 663 00:50:06,924 --> 00:50:09,134 - I'm not staying by myself. - You're going, aren't you? 664 00:50:09,134 --> 00:50:11,220 - Lizzie? - Liz? 665 00:50:15,974 --> 00:50:19,561 - All right, Flash, what's your plan? - Great. I've got a car 666 00:50:19,561 --> 00:50:23,065 but it's gonna be a bit cramped now. Has anyone got transport? 667 00:50:23,106 --> 00:50:25,150 - Yes! - Great. Where? 668 00:50:25,150 --> 00:50:28,070 Oh, no. Well, I've passed my test. 669 00:50:28,111 --> 00:50:29,321 David? 670 00:50:29,446 --> 00:50:32,991 I don't see the point of owning a car in London. 671 00:50:33,075 --> 00:50:35,911 Look, just get any blunt objects together. 672 00:50:35,953 --> 00:50:38,705 If you get cornered, bash them in the head. 673 00:50:38,747 --> 00:50:41,416 Keep together, stay sharp and follow me. 674 00:50:41,542 --> 00:50:43,919 So, what's the plan, then? 675 00:50:43,961 --> 00:50:46,338 We're going to the Winchester. 676 00:50:50,425 --> 00:50:52,261 OK? Let's go. 677 00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:10,529 - Come on. - Where's the car? 678 00:51:15,033 --> 00:51:17,286 What's up, niggaz? 679 00:51:21,874 --> 00:51:26,044 Apologies for the cramped conditions. Di, stay on David's lap. 680 00:51:26,086 --> 00:51:29,214 Philip, hang in there, OK? Ed, get there fast. 681 00:51:29,214 --> 00:51:31,466 And, Mum, this is Liz. Liz, Mum. 682 00:51:31,508 --> 00:51:33,468 Hello. 683 00:51:40,475 --> 00:51:41,894 Ed, be careful. 684 00:51:41,894 --> 00:51:44,271 - Is your dad all right? - He's not my dad. 685 00:51:44,313 --> 00:51:46,607 - He's bleeding. - I know! Ed, be careful. 686 00:51:46,732 --> 00:51:49,401 Thought you wanted to get there fast? 687 00:51:49,818 --> 00:51:52,988 I want to get there in one piece! Why are we going this way? 688 00:51:53,071 --> 00:51:55,115 Chill out, it's a short cut. 689 00:51:55,157 --> 00:51:58,243 - That road goes to the Winchester. - Shaun... 690 00:51:58,285 --> 00:52:02,080 - Liz, please! - I don't understand why the Winchester? 691 00:52:02,122 --> 00:52:05,876 - It's a pub, it's safe, it's secure. - They know us. 692 00:52:05,918 --> 00:52:09,963 - What makes it so secure? - It's got big heavy doors and deadbolts. 693 00:52:10,088 --> 00:52:11,924 And there's a rifle above the bar. 694 00:52:11,924 --> 00:52:16,637 - I would think that's deactivated. - It's not. John's connected. Big Al says so. 695 00:52:16,762 --> 00:52:18,847 Big Al also says dogs can't look up. 696 00:52:18,847 --> 00:52:20,349 - They can't. - Can't they? 697 00:52:20,390 --> 00:52:22,559 - Of course they can! - Are you sure? 698 00:52:22,601 --> 00:52:26,104 Yes! The pub is the right place to go. Everything is gonna be fine. 699 00:52:26,146 --> 00:52:28,607 - Shaun... - I turned it off, all right? 700 00:52:28,649 --> 00:52:30,901 What? 701 00:52:30,943 --> 00:52:34,279 - Being a father, it's not easy. - What? 702 00:52:34,780 --> 00:52:39,159 You were 12 when I met you, you'd already grown up so much. 703 00:52:39,284 --> 00:52:45,207 I just wanted you to be strong and not give up because you lost your dad. 704 00:52:46,375 --> 00:52:51,880 - Philip, you don't have to explain. - No, I do. I always loved you, Shaun. 705 00:52:51,964 --> 00:52:56,802 And I always thought you had it in you to do well. 706 00:52:56,802 --> 00:53:01,056 You just need... m-motivation. 707 00:53:01,139 --> 00:53:03,767 Somebody to look up to and... 708 00:53:06,812 --> 00:53:08,772 I thought it could be me. 709 00:53:10,315 --> 00:53:13,360 Would you just... take care of your mum? 710 00:53:16,989 --> 00:53:19,074 There's a good boy. 711 00:53:22,244 --> 00:53:24,746 - Ed, can you pull over? - Two seconds. 712 00:53:27,332 --> 00:53:30,043 - Ah! Ed, please pull over. - What for? 713 00:53:30,169 --> 00:53:33,088 - Just pull over! - All right. 714 00:53:38,677 --> 00:53:40,137 Whoa, momma! 715 00:53:40,179 --> 00:53:43,599 - What the hell are you doing? - Chill out. Everyone's all right. 716 00:53:43,682 --> 00:53:45,767 Stop telling me to chill out! 717 00:53:46,852 --> 00:53:50,355 - And everybody is not all right. - What's wrong? 718 00:53:50,481 --> 00:53:53,066 Mum, it's Philip, he's gone. 719 00:53:53,108 --> 00:53:55,694 - Where's he gone? - Mum, he's dead. 720 00:53:56,737 --> 00:53:59,031 No, he isn't. 721 00:53:59,114 --> 00:54:01,116 Get out! 722 00:54:02,451 --> 00:54:04,786 Jesus! 723 00:54:04,870 --> 00:54:08,123 - Get it open! - Ed, get the child locks! 724 00:54:08,207 --> 00:54:10,292 Quick! 725 00:54:12,711 --> 00:54:14,671 - The child lock! - Ed! 726 00:54:34,483 --> 00:54:36,652 - Now what? - We keep moving. 727 00:54:36,652 --> 00:54:40,531 - How do we get Philip out the car? - We haven't got time. 728 00:54:40,572 --> 00:54:43,325 - We can't leave your dad. - He's not my dad! 729 00:54:43,367 --> 00:54:45,410 Mum, he was, but he's not any more. 730 00:54:45,410 --> 00:54:49,873 - I really think we could... - That's not your husband in there. OK? 731 00:54:49,915 --> 00:54:54,294 It looks like him but there is nothing of the man you loved in that car. 732 00:54:56,672 --> 00:54:58,757 Let's go, shall we? 733 00:54:58,757 --> 00:55:01,176 You're not suggesting we walk? 734 00:55:04,429 --> 00:55:07,015 - Everybody OK? - Yeah, we're having a whale of a time. 735 00:55:07,432 --> 00:55:10,561 Maybe we should all hold hands, make a crocodile? 736 00:55:10,686 --> 00:55:12,938 Do you know where we're going? 737 00:55:12,980 --> 00:55:15,232 - David, come on. - Sorry. 738 00:55:15,274 --> 00:55:17,651 - Do you, though? - Yeah, totally. 739 00:55:17,776 --> 00:55:19,319 Are we close? 740 00:55:25,033 --> 00:55:27,536 We're pretty close. 741 00:55:27,536 --> 00:55:30,455 - Is your mum gonna be OK? - Yeah, I hope so. 742 00:55:30,581 --> 00:55:33,542 - Did you contact your folks? - They're in Antigua. 743 00:55:33,584 --> 00:55:36,628 - Do you think this is happening there? - I hope not. 744 00:55:36,670 --> 00:55:39,631 About last night. I know loads of things were said but... 745 00:55:39,673 --> 00:55:42,467 - You said this wasn't about us. - No, it's not. 746 00:55:42,551 --> 00:55:45,470 - You said it was about survival. - It is, but... 747 00:55:45,470 --> 00:55:50,893 You're notjust trying to prove something? I meant everything I said last night. 748 00:55:53,228 --> 00:55:56,565 - Maybe this isn't the best time to talk. - OK. 749 00:55:57,566 --> 00:55:59,151 Shaun. 750 00:55:59,193 --> 00:56:00,736 Yvonne. 751 00:56:00,819 --> 00:56:03,655 - How's it going? - Er, surviving. 752 00:56:03,655 --> 00:56:06,241 Hey, Liz. Long time no see. 753 00:56:06,283 --> 00:56:07,993 Hey, Yvonne. 754 00:56:07,993 --> 00:56:10,913 Erm... this is my boyfriend, Declan. 755 00:56:10,954 --> 00:56:12,998 Erm... my friends Mark, Maggie, 756 00:56:12,998 --> 00:56:16,084 - my mum and my cousin Tom. - All right. 757 00:56:16,126 --> 00:56:19,129 This is Shaun and his girlfriend Liz. 758 00:56:19,171 --> 00:56:22,174 - They've split up, actually. - Oh, really? 759 00:56:22,216 --> 00:56:24,384 - Yeah. - That's a shame. 760 00:56:24,510 --> 00:56:27,763 We should scoot. Have you got somewhere you're going? 761 00:56:27,804 --> 00:56:31,058 - Yeah, we're going to the Winchester. - The pub? 762 00:56:32,935 --> 00:56:35,771 - Yeah. - Right, well. Good luck! 763 00:56:41,610 --> 00:56:43,278 Hi. 764 00:56:43,278 --> 00:56:44,947 Hello. 765 00:56:45,030 --> 00:56:46,073 Hi. 766 00:56:46,198 --> 00:56:47,950 Hello. 767 00:56:48,033 --> 00:56:49,618 All right. 768 00:56:52,454 --> 00:56:54,957 See? The Winchester's just over there. 769 00:56:55,040 --> 00:56:57,334 - Over where? - Over there. 770 00:56:57,459 --> 00:56:59,962 Just over there, over the 20 garden fences? 771 00:57:00,045 --> 00:57:01,797 What's the matter, David? 772 00:57:02,339 --> 00:57:04,550 Never taken a short cut before? 773 00:57:21,400 --> 00:57:23,068 Shaun. 774 00:57:23,068 --> 00:57:25,904 I'm sure Jill and Derek live round here. 775 00:57:40,002 --> 00:57:43,672 Now, the Winchester is just over that fence, all right? 776 00:57:43,714 --> 00:57:47,384 Everyone stay where they are, I'll... Are we all here? 777 00:57:47,509 --> 00:57:51,138 - One, two, three, four, five. Yes. - There's six of us. 778 00:57:51,263 --> 00:57:53,515 Mum! 779 00:57:56,268 --> 00:57:58,228 I'm coming! 780 00:57:58,353 --> 00:58:01,023 Mum, are you OK? Are you OK? 781 00:58:01,023 --> 00:58:03,942 I don't think Jill and Derek do live here. 782 00:58:07,696 --> 00:58:10,324 Shaun? 783 00:58:11,366 --> 00:58:13,535 Are you all right? 784 00:58:30,886 --> 00:58:33,680 What are you doing? 785 00:58:35,766 --> 00:58:37,851 Shaun! 786 00:58:40,771 --> 00:58:42,648 Yes! 787 00:58:44,233 --> 00:58:46,485 No, that's rubbish. 788 00:58:53,992 --> 00:58:56,203 - Ooh! - Yes! 789 00:58:57,996 --> 00:59:00,249 Feel free to step in any time. 790 00:59:00,249 --> 00:59:03,418 - You did all right. - I didn't want to cramp your style. 791 00:59:03,502 --> 00:59:05,587 I'm so sorry about that. 792 00:59:07,464 --> 00:59:09,550 Right. 793 00:59:10,926 --> 00:59:15,681 OK, everyone stay where they are. I'm gonna check if the coast is clear. 794 00:59:24,439 --> 00:59:26,525 - Is it clear? - No. 795 00:59:26,650 --> 00:59:28,735 - How many? - Lots. 796 00:59:38,954 --> 00:59:41,957 Oh, well, that is just great. 797 00:59:42,082 --> 00:59:44,251 There are a fair few of them, yes. 798 00:59:44,293 --> 00:59:47,713 I trust Shaun has another genius scheme up his sleeve? 799 00:59:47,754 --> 00:59:49,882 This is hardly constructive, David! 800 00:59:50,007 --> 00:59:53,886 - We should have stayed at the flat. - Why didn't you? 801 00:59:53,886 --> 00:59:57,806 Because... Because, because of... Captain Wow. 802 00:59:57,848 --> 01:00:01,685 - Will you stop it? - We'll get nowhere moaning. 803 01:00:09,735 --> 01:00:12,321 Right, let's all shake out. Get nice and limber. 804 01:00:12,362 --> 01:00:14,823 Or not. 805 01:00:15,741 --> 01:00:19,495 Take another look at the way he moves. Remember, very limp. 806 01:00:19,495 --> 01:00:25,042 Almost like sleepwalking. Look at the face, it's vacant with a hint of sadness. 807 01:00:25,167 --> 01:00:27,336 Like a drunk who's lost a bet. 808 01:00:27,377 --> 01:00:29,505 OK, let's try, shall we? Liz. 809 01:00:33,258 --> 01:00:37,554 Nice. Good vocal work. OK. Barbara, that's excellent. 810 01:00:37,596 --> 01:00:40,057 Sorry, dear, I was miles away. 811 01:00:40,182 --> 01:00:42,518 - D-Daffs. - Uh. 812 01:00:42,559 --> 01:00:44,853 - Come on! - Urgh. 813 01:00:44,937 --> 01:00:48,398 It's mournful, sorrowful, you're dead and you hate it. Go. 814 01:00:48,440 --> 01:00:50,150 Uuurgh. 815 01:00:50,192 --> 01:00:53,195 - Much better. Ed. - I'll do it on the night. 816 01:00:53,237 --> 01:00:55,489 This is the night! 817 01:00:55,614 --> 01:00:57,991 - What is that? - What about yours? 818 01:00:58,116 --> 01:01:01,036 Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies? 819 01:01:01,119 --> 01:01:02,788 Don't... 820 01:01:05,499 --> 01:01:07,459 Yeah, that's pretty good. 821 01:01:07,459 --> 01:01:13,423 Right, let's all try together, shall we? One, two, three. 822 01:02:07,769 --> 01:02:09,605 Go, go, go, go. 823 01:02:11,940 --> 01:02:14,401 Shit! Get round me, get round me! 824 01:02:14,443 --> 01:02:18,906 John? John, Bernie, are you there? It's Shaun and Ed. We come in all the time. 825 01:02:19,865 --> 01:02:22,117 - They can hear you. - We do the quiz. 826 01:02:22,159 --> 01:02:23,660 - They know. - Stay in character! 827 01:02:23,702 --> 01:02:26,955 - I can't see them. - Shaun, we have to get inside. 828 01:02:27,039 --> 01:02:29,625 - Break the window. - We'll be exposed! 829 01:02:29,625 --> 01:02:32,461 - Break the window! - Is there another way in? 830 01:02:32,544 --> 01:02:34,546 Yeah, there's... 831 01:02:35,589 --> 01:02:38,050 Two seconds. Hey, Noodle. 832 01:02:38,091 --> 01:02:40,969 - 'All right? ' - Yeah, man, I can't talk now. 833 01:02:41,011 --> 01:02:43,805 - 'You get anything yet? ' - I got nothing. 834 01:02:43,805 --> 01:02:46,725 I'm in the middle of something. Yeah, it's weird. 835 01:02:46,850 --> 01:02:50,729 - Oi! What are you doing? - What are you doing? You stupid moron. 836 01:02:50,729 --> 01:02:53,315 - Fuck off. - You fuck off! 837 01:02:53,398 --> 01:02:56,860 Fuck fucking off! I've spent an entire life... 838 01:02:56,985 --> 01:03:00,197 Look at me. I've spent my entire life sticking up for you 839 01:03:00,322 --> 01:03:03,534 and all you ever do is fuck things up and make me look stupid. 840 01:03:03,659 --> 01:03:06,662 I'm not gonna let you do it any more. Not today! 841 01:03:06,745 --> 01:03:08,747 Shaun. 842 01:03:08,831 --> 01:03:10,082 Oh. 843 01:03:17,506 --> 01:03:20,342 You were saying about another way in? 844 01:03:20,342 --> 01:03:22,719 Yeah, there's a... 845 01:03:22,761 --> 01:03:25,097 What are you doing? 846 01:03:26,348 --> 01:03:29,560 - No! - Get inside. 847 01:03:29,601 --> 01:03:33,355 No, they'll follow us. Keep up the act, I'll have to do something. 848 01:03:33,438 --> 01:03:37,442 - What do you mean do something? - Hello, hello, over here! 849 01:03:37,526 --> 01:03:41,697 Come on, that's it. Come on, that's it, over here! 850 01:03:41,738 --> 01:03:44,700 Over here! Come on. Oh, bollocks. 851 01:03:44,825 --> 01:03:47,828 - Wait till I've gone then get inside. - Gone where? 852 01:03:47,870 --> 01:03:53,709 I won't be long, I promise. Come on, you pasty-faced fuckers, let's go! Follow me. 853 01:03:53,709 --> 01:03:57,129 Come on, this way, that's it! 854 01:03:57,212 --> 01:04:01,216 Come on. This way, follow me. Come on, follow me. 855 01:04:01,216 --> 01:04:04,720 Come and get it. It's a running buffet. 856 01:04:04,845 --> 01:04:07,014 All you can eat! 857 01:04:07,055 --> 01:04:09,141 Shall we go in, then? 858 01:04:17,357 --> 01:04:20,903 - Come on, Barbara. Leave those. - I think they're for me. 859 01:04:40,839 --> 01:04:43,509 - He's been gone a good 20 minutes. - 17. 860 01:04:43,759 --> 01:04:49,181 Either way, we need to think about blocking up this window. We're totally exposed. 861 01:04:49,264 --> 01:04:52,810 - How will Shaun get back in? - I'm sure he'll knock. 862 01:04:54,478 --> 01:04:57,523 - Let's get some lights on. - David, wait! 863 01:04:58,774 --> 01:05:01,360 - Power's off. - That's a good thing. 864 01:05:01,443 --> 01:05:04,905 - We mustn't advertise our whereabouts. - No, of course not. 865 01:05:04,947 --> 01:05:08,951 - Do we, David? - No, of course not, Lizzie. 866 01:05:08,992 --> 01:05:10,953 I'm just being proactive. 867 01:05:11,036 --> 01:05:15,457 There's no lights, no power. And there's a hole in the window. 868 01:05:15,457 --> 01:05:19,169 - You did that, you twat. - Somebody had to do something! 869 01:05:19,211 --> 01:05:23,131 We were in a spot of bother. Somebody has to take control of the situation 870 01:05:23,173 --> 01:05:27,427 and if none of you are prepared to accept that responsibility 871 01:05:27,553 --> 01:05:30,639 then perhaps... I should. 872 01:05:30,764 --> 01:05:33,934 - Will Shaun be gone long? - He'll be back soon. 873 01:05:33,976 --> 01:05:37,104 - How do you know? - I don't think he'd leave us. 874 01:05:37,146 --> 01:05:43,402 Wouldn't he? How can you trust a man you binned for being unreliable? 875 01:05:43,485 --> 01:05:48,073 A man whose idea of a romantic nightspot is also an impenetrable fortress. 876 01:05:48,157 --> 01:05:51,201 This is a pub! We are in a pub! What are we going to do? 877 01:05:51,326 --> 01:05:53,912 I could get a round in. 878 01:05:53,996 --> 01:05:57,749 Let's just wait for Shaun. We'll barricade the window when he gets back. 879 01:05:57,791 --> 01:06:00,502 What then? How long? Days? Weeks? A month? 880 01:06:00,544 --> 01:06:03,172 - What are we going to eat? - Toasties! 881 01:06:03,172 --> 01:06:06,842 - There's a Breville out back. - Great. Saved by nibbles. 882 01:06:06,884 --> 01:06:09,136 Must be why Shaun took us here before he left. 883 01:06:09,261 --> 01:06:13,390 - He's coming back! - Why? Because he promised? 884 01:06:13,432 --> 01:06:18,520 If he does, do you think his master plan will be anything more than eating peanuts? 885 01:06:18,562 --> 01:06:22,441 Is he just gonna stroll in and suddenly everything's OK? 886 01:06:22,483 --> 01:06:26,320 I don't know, David! I don't know any more than you do. 887 01:06:26,361 --> 01:06:30,949 But what I do know is that we're here now and we have to make the best of it. 888 01:06:32,701 --> 01:06:35,621 - Ed, get me a double vodka. - Right you are. 889 01:06:35,704 --> 01:06:38,749 I'll have a drink too. Would you like a drink, Barbara? 890 01:06:38,874 --> 01:06:41,043 - Hello. - Right, great, fuck it. 891 01:06:41,126 --> 01:06:44,755 We'll have a party and get completely smashed. 892 01:06:44,796 --> 01:06:48,550 We've got our nibbles. We've got our Mini Cheddars. 893 01:06:48,634 --> 01:06:52,221 - David! - We got Twiglets. Oh, look, hog lumps. 894 01:06:57,643 --> 01:06:59,144 Pickle! 895 01:06:59,186 --> 01:07:01,104 Hello, Mum. You all right? 896 01:07:01,146 --> 01:07:03,065 - Everybody OK? - Yeah. 897 01:07:03,148 --> 01:07:05,317 - Any sign of John and Bernie? - No. 898 01:07:05,442 --> 01:07:07,653 - Check upstairs? - It's locked. 899 01:07:07,736 --> 01:07:10,239 - Phones? - Dead. Same as the power. 900 01:07:10,322 --> 01:07:14,326 - OK... - Nice of you to join us. 901 01:07:14,409 --> 01:07:16,995 Yeah, well, I promised, didn't I? 902 01:07:22,751 --> 01:07:25,671 How did you lose them? 903 01:07:27,256 --> 01:07:30,884 I just gave them the slip. Wasn't difficult. They're not all that. 904 01:07:31,009 --> 01:07:33,679 - Well, how did you get in? - The back door. 905 01:07:33,804 --> 01:07:36,265 I tried to tell you before you smashed the window. 906 01:07:36,306 --> 01:07:39,643 But it wasn't me blowing our cover by arguing with my boyfriend. 907 01:07:39,768 --> 01:07:43,522 - He's not my boyfriend. - Might be a bit warm, the cooler's off. 908 01:07:43,605 --> 01:07:45,691 Thanks, babe. 909 01:07:47,276 --> 01:07:49,236 So, what's the plan, then? 910 01:07:51,196 --> 01:07:53,949 Would anyone like a peanut? 911 01:08:03,959 --> 01:08:06,086 Why don't you do your Clyde? 912 01:08:06,128 --> 01:08:09,131 Has anyone seen Every Which Way But Loose? 913 01:08:09,256 --> 01:08:12,176 Ed does the most amazing impression of the orang-utan. 914 01:08:12,301 --> 01:08:15,053 - No, it's not. - It is. Come on. Do it. 915 01:08:15,095 --> 01:08:17,806 - No, no. - But it's brilliant. Come on. 916 01:08:17,890 --> 01:08:20,934 - You've built it up too much. - No, just do it. 917 01:08:20,976 --> 01:08:23,979 Everyone wants to see it. We could do with a laugh. 918 01:08:24,062 --> 01:08:26,565 Do it, do it, do it, do it. Come on, do it. 919 01:08:26,648 --> 01:08:28,734 I'm not a performing monkey. 920 01:08:31,236 --> 01:08:34,573 - The power's on. - It's not, I tried it earlier. 921 01:08:34,698 --> 01:08:38,660 The streetlights are on. I'll flip the fuses, we can watch television. 922 01:08:38,702 --> 01:08:42,539 - What about the lights? - Yes. Don't advertise our whereabouts. 923 01:08:42,581 --> 01:08:46,376 The lights are on a separate circuit. Just flip the mains breakers. 924 01:08:46,502 --> 01:08:48,754 It's quite simple, David. 925 01:09:16,698 --> 01:09:19,451 - Is that it? - That's it. 926 01:09:45,602 --> 01:09:49,148 Liz, erm... have you got a quid? 927 01:09:50,190 --> 01:09:52,067 Erm... 928 01:09:54,069 --> 01:09:55,737 Yeah. 929 01:10:00,200 --> 01:10:02,494 Never anything on, is there? 930 01:10:07,082 --> 01:10:08,834 What? 931 01:10:10,919 --> 01:10:15,007 - I think we might have a bit of a problem. - What do you mean? 932 01:10:18,969 --> 01:10:22,848 - They followed me. - I thought you said you gave them the slip. 933 01:10:22,848 --> 01:10:25,225 Yeah. 934 01:10:25,350 --> 01:10:29,938 Well, we'll just have to be extra quiet then, won't we? 935 01:10:31,356 --> 01:10:33,358 What? 936 01:10:35,235 --> 01:10:37,613 Ed, no! 937 01:10:37,738 --> 01:10:39,823 Turn it off! 938 01:11:11,313 --> 01:11:13,273 Shit! 939 01:11:13,315 --> 01:11:15,984 - Where the hell did he come from? - I dunno. 940 01:11:19,988 --> 01:11:22,991 - Who put this on? - It's on random. 941 01:11:23,075 --> 01:11:26,328 Dianne, get Mum somewhere safe. David, kill the Queen. 942 01:11:26,370 --> 01:11:28,080 - What?! - The jukebox! 943 01:11:28,205 --> 01:11:30,916 - Liz, Ed, grab a weapon. - What about the rifle? 944 01:11:30,958 --> 01:11:33,001 - Cocktails? - What do you mean? 945 01:11:33,085 --> 01:11:36,547 The flaming spirits Get a rag in, light it. 946 01:11:36,672 --> 01:11:39,675 - But the whole place could go up. - What, then? 947 01:11:39,758 --> 01:11:41,635 How about pool? 948 01:11:47,182 --> 01:11:50,435 John, it's time at the bar. 949 01:12:09,788 --> 01:12:12,708 - I can't find the switches! - Then get the fuses! 950 01:12:44,198 --> 01:12:48,285 Why is Queen still on? 951 01:12:48,368 --> 01:12:50,913 - We have a situation! - I know! 952 01:12:52,039 --> 01:12:54,249 - Fuck this. Two seconds. - Ed! 953 01:12:54,333 --> 01:12:55,918 Oi! 954 01:13:04,009 --> 01:13:05,802 Shaun! 955 01:13:08,096 --> 01:13:09,681 No! 956 01:13:11,517 --> 01:13:13,852 Yes! Yes! In the head! 957 01:13:16,647 --> 01:13:18,524 Ooow! 958 01:13:18,607 --> 01:13:20,192 Shauny! 959 01:13:36,041 --> 01:13:38,418 Why didn't you just shoot him, man? 960 01:13:39,920 --> 01:13:42,089 Ed, for the last time, it's... 961 01:13:45,717 --> 01:13:50,013 I fucking knew it! What did I tell you? Big Al was right. 962 01:13:50,055 --> 01:13:51,890 OK. 963 01:13:55,561 --> 01:13:57,646 But dogs can look up. 964 01:14:00,315 --> 01:14:02,943 - Has anyone fired a gun before? - Oh, yeah. 965 01:14:03,443 --> 01:14:05,320 - Apart from Ed? - I'm a pacifist. 966 01:14:05,320 --> 01:14:08,157 - Apart from David and Ed? - What was Ed's experience? 967 01:14:08,240 --> 01:14:11,535 - He shot his sister in the leg. - I think you should do it. 968 01:14:11,577 --> 01:14:14,830 - We should all do it. - How can five people operate one gun? 969 01:14:14,913 --> 01:14:17,833 - No one has any experience. We've got... - 29. 970 01:14:17,875 --> 01:14:19,918 - 29 bullets. - Call them shells. 971 01:14:19,918 --> 01:14:23,088 29 shells. I need someone to help me reload, 972 01:14:23,172 --> 01:14:25,674 everyone else to look out. I will fire. 973 01:14:25,799 --> 01:14:30,762 As Bertrand Russell said the only thing that will redeem mankind is co-operation. 974 01:14:30,804 --> 01:14:32,973 I think we can all appreciate that now. 975 01:14:33,098 --> 01:14:36,727 - Was that on a beer mat? - Yeah, it was Guinness Extra Cold. 976 01:14:36,768 --> 01:14:38,604 - I won't say anything. - Thanks. 977 01:14:40,272 --> 01:14:43,692 - They want to come in. - Get Mum out of the way. 978 01:14:43,734 --> 01:14:47,154 David, Dianne, let's go. Ed, give me some shells. 979 01:14:49,448 --> 01:14:51,742 - Barbara. - Oh, hello. 980 01:14:51,867 --> 01:14:54,995 - Would you like to come with me? - That'd be lovely. 981 01:14:56,330 --> 01:15:01,627 It's nice to meet you, finally. Shaun's always talking about you. 982 01:15:01,668 --> 01:15:03,712 - Really? - Yeah. 983 01:15:03,837 --> 01:15:05,797 - Ah! - Barbara? 984 01:15:07,299 --> 01:15:09,801 Are you all right? 985 01:15:09,885 --> 01:15:11,762 I've got something for you. 986 01:15:12,805 --> 01:15:16,558 Shaun's father gave me this. Shaun's real father, I mean. 987 01:15:16,642 --> 01:15:20,229 - I'd like you to have it. - Barbara, Shaun and I have... 988 01:15:20,312 --> 01:15:23,315 It seems only right. 989 01:15:37,621 --> 01:15:39,581 I didn't want to say anything. 990 01:15:39,706 --> 01:15:41,917 I thought Shaun would be worried. 991 01:15:43,669 --> 01:15:45,420 Liz! 992 01:15:45,420 --> 01:15:47,339 Here they come! 993 01:15:48,590 --> 01:15:50,843 - Stay behind me! - There's one! 994 01:15:50,968 --> 01:15:53,387 Sorry, we're closed! 995 01:15:53,470 --> 01:15:55,764 - The safety! - That happened to me on stage. 996 01:15:55,848 --> 01:15:57,933 Cock it! 997 01:16:05,149 --> 01:16:07,025 - There! - Where? 998 01:16:07,067 --> 01:16:08,902 Three o'clock! 999 01:16:14,241 --> 01:16:17,870 - Oh! Over there again. Quarter to twelve. - What? 1000 01:16:17,953 --> 01:16:20,038 - 11:45! - Keep it simple! 1001 01:16:21,290 --> 01:16:23,083 Top left! 1002 01:16:25,252 --> 01:16:27,462 - Reload. - I'm on it! 1003 01:16:27,546 --> 01:16:29,631 Come on, come on. 1004 01:16:33,093 --> 01:16:34,887 Nice shot. 1005 01:16:34,970 --> 01:16:37,556 OK, David, Dianne, let's block up this window! 1006 01:16:37,681 --> 01:16:39,850 Ed, take over a sec. 1007 01:16:39,975 --> 01:16:42,561 - What is it? What's wrong? - Shaun, I'm so sorry. 1008 01:16:42,603 --> 01:16:47,483 - Mum, what's wrong? - I didn't want to be a bother. 1009 01:16:50,402 --> 01:16:53,780 - Mum, I don't understand. - The man in his pyjamas. 1010 01:16:53,822 --> 01:16:57,159 I didn't want to say anything, I thought you'd be upset. 1011 01:16:57,201 --> 01:17:00,287 No, you should've said. 1012 01:17:00,329 --> 01:17:03,415 - Take over a sec. - What's going on? 1013 01:17:03,540 --> 01:17:06,418 - What's up? - What the hell's going on? 1014 01:17:06,460 --> 01:17:09,254 - Barbara's hurt! - Just take over a minute. 1015 01:17:09,379 --> 01:17:11,256 Jesus. 1016 01:17:11,340 --> 01:17:13,926 I know first aid. 1017 01:17:13,967 --> 01:17:16,470 Just hang on. Mum! 1018 01:17:16,512 --> 01:17:18,972 - Mum. - Is she...? 1019 01:17:19,097 --> 01:17:21,350 Just hold on, Mum, you're gonna be fine. 1020 01:17:21,391 --> 01:17:24,603 - I never thanked you. - For what? 1021 01:17:25,938 --> 01:17:29,817 For these. "To a wonderful mum. " 1022 01:17:31,777 --> 01:17:34,613 It's been a funny sort of day, hasn't it? 1023 01:17:35,656 --> 01:17:38,200 Oh, no, no! Mum, come on. 1024 01:17:38,242 --> 01:17:40,786 Stop it, stop it, stop it. 1025 01:17:40,869 --> 01:17:43,288 Mum. Please don't go. 1026 01:17:54,716 --> 01:17:57,761 - What are you doing? - We have to deal with her. 1027 01:17:57,886 --> 01:18:00,430 - Daffs! - For Christ's sake! 1028 01:18:00,472 --> 01:18:02,891 - She's gonna come back! - She's not going anywhere. 1029 01:18:02,891 --> 01:18:05,269 - She'll change. - She's my mum! 1030 01:18:05,352 --> 01:18:08,063 - She's a zombie. - Don't say that. 1031 01:18:09,148 --> 01:18:11,525 Move aside. I'm gonna count to three. 1032 01:18:11,608 --> 01:18:13,610 One... 1033 01:18:13,694 --> 01:18:15,070 two... 1034 01:18:15,112 --> 01:18:16,405 three! 1035 01:18:16,530 --> 01:18:19,366 - Don't point that gun at my mum! - Calm down. 1036 01:18:19,366 --> 01:18:21,827 Don't point that gun at Barbara! 1037 01:18:21,952 --> 01:18:24,329 - Ed, don't exacerbate things! - What's that mean? 1038 01:18:24,454 --> 01:18:26,832 - This isn't exactly fair. - Here. 1039 01:18:26,874 --> 01:18:28,750 - Thank you. - It's OK. 1040 01:18:30,002 --> 01:18:32,921 Please, can we just stop and think about this? 1041 01:18:32,921 --> 01:18:34,756 Tell him to put the gun down! 1042 01:18:34,882 --> 01:18:37,092 She's gonna change. You know I'm right. 1043 01:18:37,176 --> 01:18:42,514 And when she does, she'll kill all of us. That's what your ex can't seem to realise. 1044 01:18:42,514 --> 01:18:45,434 That's what this is about, isn't it? He doesn't like me! 1045 01:18:45,476 --> 01:18:48,353 He's always hated me and now he wants to shoot my mum. 1046 01:18:48,437 --> 01:18:52,191 - She's not... - You've never thought I was good enough. 1047 01:18:52,232 --> 01:18:55,402 - What? - We all know you're in love with Liz. 1048 01:18:55,527 --> 01:18:57,946 - That is not true. - Yes it is! 1049 01:18:58,030 --> 01:19:00,032 - That is not true. - Yes it is. 1050 01:19:00,115 --> 01:19:02,784 - What? - I know you only hung out with me 1051 01:19:02,826 --> 01:19:07,831 to get close to Liz and when she knocked you back, I was there to pick up the pieces. 1052 01:19:07,915 --> 01:19:11,502 I've come to terms with that, Daffs, why can't you? 1053 01:19:11,502 --> 01:19:15,047 Lizzie, I want you to know that my feelings for you... 1054 01:19:15,130 --> 01:19:19,259 David! There are slightly more pressing matters at hand here. 1055 01:19:19,301 --> 01:19:23,472 - Like "Daffs" pointing a gun at my mum. - I'm not being unreasonable, "Pickle". 1056 01:19:23,555 --> 01:19:26,600 - Christ, she's not dead! - She's finished. 1057 01:19:26,683 --> 01:19:28,769 For a hero, you're quite a hypocrite. 1058 01:19:28,769 --> 01:19:31,605 You've gone from a chartered accountant to Charlton Heston. 1059 01:19:31,647 --> 01:19:33,649 I'm not a chartered accountant. 1060 01:19:33,690 --> 01:19:35,651 - Well, you look like one. - Yeah. 1061 01:19:35,776 --> 01:19:38,779 - I'm a lecturer. - You're a twat. 1062 01:19:38,821 --> 01:19:42,574 She's not your mum. In a minute she'll be just another zombie. 1063 01:19:42,574 --> 01:19:45,786 - Don't say that. - We're not using the Z word. 1064 01:19:45,911 --> 01:19:49,748 Please can we just calm the fuck down! 1065 01:19:51,416 --> 01:19:54,962 Now, I can see what David is trying to say... 1066 01:19:55,087 --> 01:19:57,381 - Thank you. - Even if he is being a twat. 1067 01:19:57,381 --> 01:19:59,216 Yep. 1068 01:19:59,258 --> 01:20:02,136 And, Shaun... Shaun, look at me. 1069 01:20:04,972 --> 01:20:08,517 I can't begin to imagine how hard this must be for you 1070 01:20:08,600 --> 01:20:11,103 but we can't afford to fall apart. 1071 01:20:12,271 --> 01:20:15,065 Shaun, babe... 1072 01:20:15,107 --> 01:20:18,110 I know you don't wanna hear this... 1073 01:20:36,545 --> 01:20:38,547 You do it. 1074 01:20:48,557 --> 01:20:50,642 I'm sorry, Mum. 1075 01:20:51,977 --> 01:20:54,396 Do it! 1076 01:21:09,411 --> 01:21:13,916 Well... I think we're all agreed, you did the right thing there. 1077 01:21:19,630 --> 01:21:21,924 David, no! 1078 01:21:22,883 --> 01:21:24,218 David! 1079 01:21:24,343 --> 01:21:26,887 - Right, I'm leaving. - What? 1080 01:21:26,929 --> 01:21:29,431 - I'm not staying here. - David, it's suicide. 1081 01:21:31,225 --> 01:21:34,645 - I think you should go. - We will. We can defend ourselves. 1082 01:21:34,770 --> 01:21:37,231 - What do you mean "we"? - What do you mean? 1083 01:21:37,272 --> 01:21:41,109 Opening that door now would be a very silly thing to do. 1084 01:21:41,193 --> 01:21:43,570 - You gonna stay here with him? - Look... 1085 01:21:43,612 --> 01:21:45,906 - After where he led us? - Let me finish! 1086 01:21:46,031 --> 01:21:50,077 Shaun didn't ask you to come here. You came for the same reason I did. 1087 01:21:50,202 --> 01:21:52,871 - Get away from that door this instant! - But... 1088 01:21:52,996 --> 01:21:54,873 David! 1089 01:22:02,381 --> 01:22:04,466 I'm so sorry, Dianne. 1090 01:22:04,591 --> 01:22:08,637 Maybe I'm not the one you should be apologising to. 1091 01:22:11,140 --> 01:22:13,142 Shaun... 1092 01:22:18,230 --> 01:22:20,357 David! No! 1093 01:22:20,399 --> 01:22:22,484 No! No! No! 1094 01:22:24,403 --> 01:22:26,238 David! 1095 01:22:26,905 --> 01:22:29,074 - No! No! - David! 1096 01:22:49,928 --> 01:22:52,097 David! 1097 01:22:52,764 --> 01:22:54,475 Dianne, no! 1098 01:22:54,516 --> 01:22:56,185 I'm coming, David! 1099 01:22:59,396 --> 01:23:01,607 David! 1100 01:23:01,648 --> 01:23:03,775 Oh dear. 1101 01:23:03,901 --> 01:23:06,111 - Cocktails? - Do it. 1102 01:23:17,039 --> 01:23:18,707 Stay back! 1103 01:23:23,921 --> 01:23:25,797 Shaun, hold them! 1104 01:23:28,926 --> 01:23:30,803 Heads! 1105 01:23:34,640 --> 01:23:36,558 - Ed! - Hurry up! 1106 01:23:38,435 --> 01:23:40,813 Shauny, look who it is. 1107 01:23:40,854 --> 01:23:43,398 Fuck-a-doodle-doo! 1108 01:23:44,983 --> 01:23:46,610 Ed! 1109 01:23:46,652 --> 01:23:48,612 - Shaun! - Ed! 1110 01:23:48,654 --> 01:23:50,614 Don't groan at me, you thick fuck! 1111 01:23:50,739 --> 01:23:52,491 I can't hold them! 1112 01:23:56,161 --> 01:23:57,579 No! 1113 01:24:01,667 --> 01:24:03,460 - Shaun! - Pete! 1114 01:24:05,629 --> 01:24:07,506 I said leave him alone! 1115 01:24:10,759 --> 01:24:13,679 Ed. Ed! 1116 01:24:13,762 --> 01:24:16,765 Shaun, bar! 1117 01:24:27,943 --> 01:24:29,820 Ed! 1118 01:24:30,654 --> 01:24:32,531 Ed! 1119 01:24:33,157 --> 01:24:35,450 Ed! 1120 01:24:35,492 --> 01:24:37,744 What? 1121 01:24:37,870 --> 01:24:40,038 Chuck us a cloth, will you? 1122 01:24:53,302 --> 01:24:55,804 - Where are the shells? - They're on the bar. 1123 01:24:55,804 --> 01:24:58,390 Oh, fuck. 1124 01:24:58,891 --> 01:25:00,642 Ow! 1125 01:25:00,684 --> 01:25:02,311 Fuck it! 1126 01:25:02,352 --> 01:25:05,272 What are we gonna do? Where are we gonna go? 1127 01:25:05,397 --> 01:25:07,774 - The cellar. - Maybe we can get out! 1128 01:25:07,900 --> 01:25:12,863 - There's a hatch out on to the street. - You mean go back outside? 1129 01:25:12,905 --> 01:25:15,699 Oh, give us a fucking break! 1130 01:25:21,663 --> 01:25:23,916 Go! 1131 01:25:33,509 --> 01:25:35,719 I can see the street. 1132 01:25:36,762 --> 01:25:38,096 Come on. 1133 01:25:39,598 --> 01:25:41,683 Come on! 1134 01:25:42,518 --> 01:25:45,187 Why won't it open? 1135 01:25:55,197 --> 01:25:59,368 That's it then, we're trapped. "Hey, let's go to the Winchester!" 1136 01:25:59,493 --> 01:26:01,370 Whose fucking idea was that? 1137 01:26:01,453 --> 01:26:04,289 Man, I've really ballsed this up. 1138 01:26:07,709 --> 01:26:11,380 - No, you haven't. - I have, Liz. I couldn't save us. 1139 01:26:11,463 --> 01:26:16,260 I couldn't save Di or David. I couldn't even save Mum. I'm useless. 1140 01:26:16,301 --> 01:26:21,890 You shouldn't feel so responsible, you tried. You did something, that's what counts. 1141 01:26:23,976 --> 01:26:25,978 Yeah, I suppose. 1142 01:26:28,564 --> 01:26:31,316 Do you think they'll get through? 1143 01:26:31,316 --> 01:26:33,152 Yeah. 1144 01:26:34,653 --> 01:26:36,822 How many shells have we got left? 1145 01:26:36,905 --> 01:26:40,075 Erm... two. 1146 01:26:40,159 --> 01:26:45,247 I suppose we could take a few of them out if they stand in a line. 1147 01:26:45,289 --> 01:26:47,583 I wasn't thinking about them. 1148 01:26:47,583 --> 01:26:49,334 I know. 1149 01:26:54,339 --> 01:26:58,927 - What about Ed? There's only two shells. - I don't mind being eaten. 1150 01:27:02,806 --> 01:27:05,267 How are we gonna do this? 1151 01:27:05,309 --> 01:27:07,978 I don't know. Erm... 1152 01:27:08,020 --> 01:27:10,105 One of us has to go first. 1153 01:27:10,189 --> 01:27:13,317 One should do the other and then do themselves. 1154 01:27:13,442 --> 01:27:16,445 You should do me. I'll muck it up if I have to do myself. 1155 01:27:25,537 --> 01:27:28,957 I don't think I've got it in me to shoot my flatmate, 1156 01:27:28,999 --> 01:27:32,377 my mum and my girlfriend all in the same evening. 1157 01:27:33,754 --> 01:27:35,964 What makes you think I've taken you back? 1158 01:27:36,048 --> 01:27:37,925 Well... 1159 01:27:38,967 --> 01:27:42,095 you don't want to die single, do you? 1160 01:27:42,137 --> 01:27:45,224 Actually... I would like to be shot. 1161 01:27:46,266 --> 01:27:50,646 Besides, I've changed. I haven't had a fag since yesterday, I promise. 1162 01:27:50,771 --> 01:27:52,856 He hasn't. 1163 01:27:54,483 --> 01:27:56,902 Maybe we should have one now. 1164 01:28:00,155 --> 01:28:03,158 - You left them in my flat. - Yeah, in the bin. 1165 01:28:03,283 --> 01:28:06,286 - I was desperate. - Sneaky monkey. 1166 01:28:06,411 --> 01:28:09,623 - Sorry. - I won't say anything. 1167 01:28:21,927 --> 01:28:24,346 Come on, we're getting out of here. 1168 01:28:25,347 --> 01:28:28,350 - I mightjust stay here. - But we can get out. 1169 01:28:28,392 --> 01:28:31,937 - You two should make a go of it. - What are you talking about? 1170 01:28:32,020 --> 01:28:35,357 - I only hold you back. - Yeah, but... 1171 01:28:41,196 --> 01:28:43,282 Maybe you should have this. 1172 01:28:44,533 --> 01:28:46,326 - Don't you want it? - No. 1173 01:28:46,451 --> 01:28:49,371 I can't hit anything with it anyway, I'm rubbish. 1174 01:28:52,791 --> 01:28:56,211 - Ed, I'm sorry. - What for? 1175 01:28:56,336 --> 01:29:01,133 - Cos I was shouting at you earlier on. - It's all right. 1176 01:29:01,216 --> 01:29:03,552 I'm sorry too. 1177 01:29:03,552 --> 01:29:05,637 It's OK. 1178 01:29:05,721 --> 01:29:07,389 No... 1179 01:29:07,473 --> 01:29:09,558 I'm sorry, Shaun. 1180 01:29:12,394 --> 01:29:15,647 Oh, God! That's not funny. 1181 01:29:15,731 --> 01:29:20,652 - I'll stop doing 'em when you stop laughing. - I'm not laughing. 1182 01:29:33,248 --> 01:29:35,042 You'd better be off. 1183 01:29:44,843 --> 01:29:47,095 Bye, Ed. Love you. 1184 01:29:47,930 --> 01:29:49,640 Cheers. 1185 01:29:50,557 --> 01:29:52,643 I love you too, man. 1186 01:29:55,896 --> 01:29:57,856 Gay. 1187 01:30:18,836 --> 01:30:21,213 - Ready? - Ready. 1188 01:30:31,014 --> 01:30:33,392 Section One. Ready. 1189 01:30:33,433 --> 01:30:35,727 Zombies to your front. Fire! 1190 01:30:39,565 --> 01:30:41,150 Fire! 1191 01:30:55,747 --> 01:30:58,333 Oh, my God! Shaun! 1192 01:30:58,458 --> 01:31:00,085 Yvonne? 1193 01:31:04,923 --> 01:31:08,135 - How are you doing? - Surviving. 1194 01:31:08,260 --> 01:31:12,931 They're taking us somewhere safe. I thought you two might want to tag along. 1195 01:31:12,973 --> 01:31:15,225 Is itjust the two of you? 1196 01:31:17,811 --> 01:31:20,772 Well, glad somebody made it. 1197 01:31:22,608 --> 01:31:24,693 Come on. 1198 01:31:37,623 --> 01:31:41,084 'Next, the story of ten-year-old Enrique Ramírez 1199 01:31:41,210 --> 01:31:45,130 'who fought off the reanimated corpses of his entire family. 1200 01:31:45,172 --> 01:31:48,675 'Lt's all coming right up on Zombies From Hell. ' 1201 01:31:48,717 --> 01:31:53,889 'Six months on and, to many, the events of Z-Day must seem like a bad dream. 1202 01:31:53,931 --> 01:31:57,643 'As we now know, the phenomenon resulted from the use of... ' 1203 01:31:57,643 --> 01:32:02,564 '... not something I ever expected as a newscaster to have to say on air. 1204 01:32:02,606 --> 01:32:05,901 "'Removing the head or destroying the brain. " Incredible. ' 1205 01:32:05,984 --> 01:32:11,323 '... to have a top band with us, talking about their work for the charity Zombaid... ' 1206 01:32:11,406 --> 01:32:15,285 'The fact that the mobile deceased retained their primal instincts 1207 01:32:15,327 --> 01:32:19,039 'make them ideal recruitment for the service industry, 1208 01:32:19,081 --> 01:32:21,333 'as well as other roles such as... ' 1209 01:32:22,668 --> 01:32:27,506 'He can't quite get it. Ooh! He's fallen, he's down! ' 1210 01:32:28,006 --> 01:32:32,594 'I don't see nothing wrong with it but I know that some people would. 1211 01:32:32,636 --> 01:32:37,182 'But he's my husband, you know. I still love him and I got the ring. 1212 01:32:37,266 --> 01:32:40,769 - 'You go to bed with it? ' - 'Course I do. ' 1213 01:32:40,811 --> 01:32:44,273 'People can't understand why she's with him? ' 1214 01:32:49,278 --> 01:32:55,033 'Lnitial claims that the virus was caused by infected monkeys have been dismissed... ' 1215 01:32:55,117 --> 01:32:57,202 Hello. 1216 01:33:02,541 --> 01:33:04,501 What's the plan, then? 1217 01:33:04,626 --> 01:33:07,463 Right, a cup of tea... 1218 01:33:07,504 --> 01:33:10,340 then we get the Sundays. 1219 01:33:10,466 --> 01:33:12,718 Head down the Phoenix for a roast, 1220 01:33:12,843 --> 01:33:15,471 veg out in the pub for a bit 1221 01:33:15,554 --> 01:33:19,099 then wander home, watch a bit of telly, go to bed. 1222 01:33:19,141 --> 01:33:21,685 - Perfik. - I'll get the kettle on. 1223 01:33:21,727 --> 01:33:25,772 - Can I have two sugars, please? - Ooh! Adventurous. 1224 01:33:25,898 --> 01:33:29,651 - I might pop into the garden for a bit. - Go on, then. 1225 01:33:30,569 --> 01:33:32,654 Two seconds. 1226 01:33:43,582 --> 01:33:46,001 'Player two has entered the game. ' 1227 01:33:46,919 --> 01:33:48,170 Ed!